Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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