he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
