i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
