you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The air was thick with penises
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
