You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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