Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
