Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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