I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
we're so committed to being not committed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize