i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
