drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
