when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
time to smoke my breakfast
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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