Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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