And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
