I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
