I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
