you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
