her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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