You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
