My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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