Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
