I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
