I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
