Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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