so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
