I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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