Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
