I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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