You really coming over, don't trick.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
