you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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