my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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