Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
