Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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