You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
