My first STD was from a foam party
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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