I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
