hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
