quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
