Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
