Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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