I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
