I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
