can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
