he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
