just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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