Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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