margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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