yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
