Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
