if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize