I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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