I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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