dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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