Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
