yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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