If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She bit a glass in half.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
