my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
