Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
