You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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