just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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