Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You made out with two different species that night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
