census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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