nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
