She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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