Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize