mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
