I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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