I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
