can u get pink eye on your cock?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
