Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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