i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize