you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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