I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
