Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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