I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
