I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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