How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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