just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
