i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
