You can't special order awesome
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
