Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize