Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
