Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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