He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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