you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
