literally had 100 drinks last night.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
