I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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