How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he shaved USA in his pubs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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