Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
