I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i already hear my dad disowning me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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