I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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