A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
