Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
