I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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