so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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