There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
