Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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