I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
