Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
