i don't plan on having that self control this summer
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
