He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
