OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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