Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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