i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
