I wish I could teleport
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
