I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
